He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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