He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
