My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
