Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
