where am i from again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
