I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
