Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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