He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
