Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
