Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
