is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
