So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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