Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
