I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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