I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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