walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
