i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
