We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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