is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
