i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
