And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
