you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
