he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
