she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
