you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
