He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
