you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
