Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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