Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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