good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
