Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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