Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
