I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
