i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
