he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
