I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
