Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
