Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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