He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
