Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
