Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
