fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it hurts more in the daytime
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
