getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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