oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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