So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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