I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How does it feel to date your dad?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
