i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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