): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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