onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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