All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
