When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
