I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
