i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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