if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
