You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
