he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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