If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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