And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
