After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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