Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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