Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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